The Tru-Man Show


The other day I was trying to express to someone that sometimes I feel that people are pretending, not being “real”.  In response I received a quizzical look. 

Later in the day I was thinking about Eckhart Tolle talking about the importance of not playing a role.  Then I started thinking about the new trend of people talking about the importance of being authentic.

I started to reflect over my life and how I have felt the importance of not playing a role, the importance of being authentic.  I really did not know how to pretend or play a role.  But, it seemed that sometimes my “realness” was not easily accepted by others, especially if it challenged the status quo or rocked the boat of any system I found myself in.  Or if in my realness I would express any of the so-called negative emotions like sadness or anger.  These were emotions that were supposed to be kept to myself.

I am a very sensitive and feeling based person.  My navigation through life has been based on listening to my inner most feelings.  I have wondered at times where my place is in a society that in a lot of ways feels fake.  I do not find my values reflected in our society.  Values such as compassion, patience, humbleness, mindfulness, integrity, silence, connection to higher self, respect, equality, vulnerability, simplicity and oh yes, authenticity.

There are two different levels of functioning – mental and emotional. Most people live their lives in their heads, which is why we have such an emotionally bankrupt society.  We have to learn how to get out of our minds (pun intended) and connect with our emotions.  If you feel you are “going out of your mind” then good, start feeling your feelings.  ~  Excerpt from Rebirth by Keleah LaRoche

Having a spiritual awakening at a very young age, I thought everyone had such experiences, but as my life unfolded I became confused because people seemed to be behind some kind of wall of protection, some kind of hiding.

A friend of mine has often said that he believes that we are all born with a form of amnesia, that we forget that we come from spirit or we forget our very soul.  My response always has been, “I didn’t forget”.

We stumble and fall constantly even when we are most enlightened.  But when we are in true spiritual darkness, we do not even know that we have fallen.  ~ Thomas Merton

Could it be that the majority are living in spiritual darkness?

Then there is the question of something called “Spiritual Bypassing”.

Spiritual bypass is a defense mechanism. Although the defense looks a lot prettier than other defenses, it serves the same purpose. Spiritual bypass shields us from the truth, it disconnects us from our feelings, and helps us avoid the big picture. It is more about checking out than checking in—and the difference is so subtle that we usually don’t even know we are doing it.

The shorthand for spiritual bypass is grasping rather than gratitude, arriving rather than being, avoiding rather than accepting. It is spiritual practice in the service of repression, usually because we can not tolerate what we are feeling, or think that we shouldn’t be experiencing what we are feeling.

As I child I was sent to church after having my spiritual awakening.  I already discovered the Christ within.  So when they started preaching about being God-fearing and hell fire, I had no idea what kind of God they were talking about.  The God I knew was not something to fear and was not outside of me.

It has always seemed to me that to be whole one must merge the mundane with the divine, our human self with our spiritual self, our shadow with our light, the absolute with the relative.   This is why from all the religions Buddhism has appealed to me most, it is the Middle Way.

We are by nature, already spiritual.  We are not here to transcend our humanness, but to learn what it is to be truly human.

Our society sometimes seems to be black and white, a society of extremes.  On one extreme we have Narcissism and on the other extreme is Spiritual Narcissism and Spiritual Bypassing.

The character disorder of Narcissism is the complete denial of the true self in favor of the projected image of oneself.  This means the narcissist denies what he/she really feels and pretends that “all is well”. One has been conditioned to put on a happy face and focus on presenting an image to the world.  In the case of spiritual narcissism, one puts on a spiritualized image, pretending to be enlightened when, in reality he is far from any true enlightenment.  ~ Rebirth by Kaleah LaRoche

One of my favorite movies is “The Truman Show”.  Truman was adopted as a baby by a movie production company.  He grows up inside a movie set (but he thinks it is real life).  In the end he begins to discover an inner knowing, an inner truth, the Tru-Man.  This eventually leads him to escaping the illusion of the movie set.

From the movie The Truman Show:

Christof, “Why do you think Truman has never come close to discovering the true nature of his world?” Christof’s response, “We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented, it’s as simple as that.”

So in closing I make a vow to live as a Tru-Woman no matter what realities I am presented with.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose

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One of my favorite sayings is from the Janis Joplin song, “Me & Bobby Mcgee”; Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. .

What that line means to me is when you have nothing left to lose you are free.  In other words when you are really practicing the art of detachment you are free from attachment.  But when I started thinking about the meaning of attachment and detachment practiced in our society, attachment is a positive and detachment is a negative.

I have always felt that the best things in life are free.  Love for example has to be free or it’s not real. It cannot be confined or controlled.

I believe the soul is free to come to earth and free when it leaves the earth.

I became aware that I was a soul having a human experience at a very young age.  To me the soul is our eternal self and our personality/ego is our impermanent or temporary self.  The soul to me is pure; it does not need to be “fixed” in any way.  Maybe somewhere along the way as we are pulled from the spiritual self into the secular self we begin to forget that are born worthy, whole and complete.  So begins the process of trying to prove our worth.  We start to put conditions on ourselves and others.  Our love becomes conditional.

I have always been drawn to nature and to animals.  I did not feel any pretense (charade, sham, façade, make-believe, deceit, deception, simulation) from nature or animals.  Unfortunately I did feel strong pretense coming from a lot of people in my surroundings.  I did not know how to pretend but it seemed that being natural and real was not going to be accepted.  It seemed that the goal of my elders was to teach me the ways of the secular world and how to best fit into it.  But somewhere within me I knew this could mean a diminishing of my soul.  I wondered if there was a way to be in the world but not of the world.

It seems to me that the only evolving man has to do is to return to his true nature, to what is eternal and never-changing.  We would not lose our uniqueness if we were to live from the soul.  All souls are unique.

To me evolving is not about learning more, attaining more, becoming more or complicating and trying to perfect what is already perfect.  Why does man try to make a name for his self?  What does that even mean?  To me evolving is to return to what is natural in us, our soul. When we know we are already worthy, we have nothing to prove.  We can be our true self and from that true self express ourselves and bring light into the world.  When we do not feel worthy we are always trying to prove that worth and that is what leads us into temptation (thinking that we will find something outside ourselves to make us feel alive and worthy).   What if we all knew we are already enough, that we did not have to improve ourselves?  What if success was knowing that we already have within us all the answers that we seek.  What if we could relax into life knowing that we are a soul and will be naturally nurtured by life itself?  If we did not take more than we needed for our own survival, would there be enough to go around?  Would anyone be starving or cold without a place to call home?

There is nothing I need to add to my soul to make it better.  There is nothing that my soul seeks to find.  It is whole and complete.  It is my conditioned self, the false self that on some level bought into a bill of goods being sold, the message you have to make something of yourself.  You have to earn your right to exist.  You have to prove your worth.   I did not hear a lot of messages that I was already myself and that I just needed to let that out into the world without changing it or improving it.

I relate in so many ways to St. Francis.  It was said that St. Francis could see beauty where others could not.  That he saw the world opposite of most, as a poem and an adventure to be explored…..

One of my favorite lines from the movie about St. Francis, “Brother Sun, Sister Moon”….

In our obsession with original sin we do often forget….original innocence. 

And I so love this outlook of St. Francis….

I have often watched the larks in the field around my home, they’re such humble modest creatures who need only a sip of water and a few berries in order to live and soar into the heavens.  One day I found myself thinking, that we too could be happy if we were content with little like the larks, if we could live as they live, singing and thanking the lord who created us. 

I wish this peace on everyone, on this lovely day.


imagesmmmMisfit (oddity, eccentric….weird, unconventional, unusual, peculiar, strange, oddball, loner, nonconformist, rebel)

As usual I woke up centered in my heart and soul.  I consider my connection to my heart and soul to be my true self.  It is only from my true self that I can speak my personal truth.  Unfortunately it can be difficult for me to stay centered in my heart and soul continuously throughout the day.  I find it very difficult to not speak my personal truth and so I often find myself being quiet instead. I experience this as a kind of self betrayal.  The main factor for this self betrayal is fear.  Fear of making waves, fear of breaking the status quo, and the main fear of not fitting in. 

One of the reasons I write in my blog in the morning shortly after waking is that is when I am closest to my personal truth.  (Meditation, Nature, and Animals help me to re-connect. They hold no lies, nothing is hidden. This feels sacred to me, a way to re-connect without conditions.).  It is at these times when I can hear my own unique voice and also feel a connection to God.  That connection to God for me is a connection to absolute truth and purity, the highest and lightest energy there is.  It can be difficult to stay in alignment with God as I go about my day.  It can be difficult to find ways to communicate to others from this place of purity.  It is a language that most of us have forgotten or never knew.  It can be a struggle to find ways to bring such high energy into the density of consciousness that most of us function from.   

It seems to me that the biggest self betrayal is that of adaptation.  If you adapt to the “norm” long enough you may start to forget who you truly are.  I liken it to the analogy of putting a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly turning up the heat.  The frog won’t know it is being slowly cooked to death so it does not jump out of the pot.  To me the pot symbolizes the status quo, the norm. 

So, this morning I want to honor myself and all the other misfits of this world.  I want to encourage myself and others to be our true self.  We cannot change the world but we can be the change we want to see in the world.  Being a misfit is a good thing.  It means you are awake! 

We all want to belong but if we have to sacrifice our true self in order to belong, I would say it is better to be a so called misfit. 


Belonging is the innate human desire to be a part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal we often try to acquire it by fitting in and seeking approval.  Which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging but often barriers to it.  True belonging only happens when we present our authentic and perfect selves to the world.  Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance.  Fitting in is the primary barrier to cultivating true belonging.  Fitting in is about accessing a situation and acclimation to it.  We acclimate out of fear, shame, comparison, judgment etc., etc. 

Authenticity Mantra: Don’t shrink; don’t puff up just stand your sacred ground. 

Vulnerability Mantra: Show up and let yourself be seen. ~ Brene` Brown

Excerpt from a poem/song I wrote about Jesus….. He walked alone against the crowd, a quiet man among the loud.  They’d push and he would bend, a freak of nature, a passing trend. 

Preacher of the good life, mistaken identity, born at the wrong time, and still the blind follow the blind. ~ Francis Christian

Was Jesus a misfit?  (oddity, eccentric….weird, unconventional, unusual, peculiar, strange, oddball, loner, nonconformist, rebel)