Closer I am to fine

My morning contemplation brought insight into the importance allowing has to being. The more I attempt to control myself or others in anyway the further I am from the present moment and to my own being-ness. Allowing may be one of the hardest things for a person raised in our western society to do. We are conditioned towards doing and achieving. Usually this leads to having some kind of agenda involving competition and also a never ending pursuit of happiness, a seeking and striving for some perfect finish line where we feel we have reached success.
I learned at a very young age (kindergarten, I believe) that the hare missed out on all the beautiful things along the road towards the finish line because he was in such a hurry to get there and to win the race. I have lived my life at a very slow pace (like the tortoise). This has been a blessing and a curse. I have often felt the value I have for the present moment and taking it all in has not been shared by those around me. I could not speed up and they could not slow down. I could not be anything other than who I was and neither could they. It has seemed at times that nature and animals were my only true companions. Humans seemed so preoccupied to get somewhere other than where they were.
I am not suggesting as adults we don’t need to be responsible and contribute, of course we do. But I think if we give more attention to what is to come than “what is”, we miss a lot and we miss the people in our lives. I think the term getting ahead of ourselves speaks for itself.
My barometer has not been winning or happiness, it has been presence and peace. It has also been fullness of being, which includes the good, the bad and the ugly of humanity, feelings and all, to be wholly human, knowing that I can never transcend the human condition, but I can embrace it.
There is no escape or bypass from the human condition. But when we accept this, everything becomes sacred, everything becomes a miracle.

“Closer To Fine”

I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I’m crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There’s more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine